I was listening to this song on the way home. Though not everything applies, the core message remains:

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you're leavin
As you look away
I know there's really nothin left to say
Just know i'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

- sung by David Cook

I can still remember the first time I saw you. I was sitting comfortably on the other side waiting for the workshop to start. And you entered the room and sat somewhere in the middle, where your back was facing the wall. You struck me as a shy and timid person. Yet the minute the facilitator was arranging the grouping for the first activity, I was half-wishing we could be in the same group.

We could've been in the same group actually had it not been for the facilitator's change of mind to separate two funny guys from being in one group. And so throughout the 2 or 3 day seminar we never had the chance to talk. Except on the last day, when we happened to sit beside each other. I was trying to be oblivious of your presence, but you caught me offguard by firing away your first question with your smile. That smile that was reflecting in your eyes, as you asked: "BS Math ka 'd ba?". And I guess that was when I blabbered away. It was typical of me: giving too much information during those unguarded moments. It was only for a brief moment, but I felt your sincerity as someone who would like to be a friend. I easily fall for those things because I always believed that no one would dare to want to be friends with me. Why, you would ask? That's another story.

But that was how it all began for me. And it took me a month or two before I had the courage to ask you out for dinner. That was a first for me. I've never asked somebody out for dinner just to get to know each other better... I don't know if I ever will again.

I wanted to sing this to you last night but I didn't get the chance to do so... I hope you can hear my heart singing this for you...

Shy girl, shy girl
Don't shy away

Little shy girl
I'd like to make you my girl
But each time I try to catch your eye
You always look away

Little shy girl
I wish that you were my girl
If only you knew I'm shy like you
You might not run away
Then maybe you might stay

And even when you're near
You're like a distant star to me
How can you be so near
Yet seem so very far from me

Little shy girl
If only you were my girl
If only you knew I'm shy like you
Then maybe you might stay
Oh please don't shy away
I've got so much to say

Don't go away shy girl
Don't go away shy girl
Don't go away shy girl
...

The most difficult part about what you said was I should have not approached you in the first place if we can't be friends.

As far as I could remember, we were strangers in the first place.

We were strangers... who became friends.

And since you cannot decide what we are and choose to remain to be friends without expectations and yet we remain close, I laid all the cards on the table for us.

We have come to an understanding of where we are at, 

And now we decide, to just be strangers again.

Now, if only it were that easy to begin with...

To be the one who...
 
      wakes you up each morning
      and brightens up your day,

      drives you to work
      and brings you home safely at night,

      laughs and cries with you
      when no one is around,

      dances with you carelessly
      to the song in our heads,

      shares with your meals
      and hears your rants and stories about life,

      listens to the voice of your heart
      and the thoughts of your mind,

That's the person that I want to be...

To be the first person you seek
      in your moments of joy and sorrow,

To be the best friend that you've ever had
      that one person you love with all your mind, heart and soul.

I want to be that person.

- my morning greeting for Shai today

I just love the chorus of this song...

If you, if you could return
Dont let it burn, dont let it fade
Im sure Im not being rude
But its just your attitude
Its tearing me apart
Its ruining everything
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you

But Im in so deep
You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong
I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldnt be so confused
And I wouldnt feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you

And Im in so deep
You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to. do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

And Im in so deep
You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

- by the Cranberries

I know you wouldn't be ready to receive something like this. But I just had to let it out somehow. Anyway, this one's for you or at least what I wanted to tell you right now.

==================================================================

hi. 'musta na? i know it's been quite awhile since i've talked with you. i just thought about giving you some space and time to think about things.

i've known a lot of things about you. and yet i also admit there's still so much for me to know and figure out. things such as why you always seem to avoid me whenever I invite you for anything. and yet you always tell me to get to know you more before jumping into anything. or how your schedule always seem to be full whenever i try to put a date and time for a gimmick which you said we should be doing since it would be fun.

you were right. i'll just get confused (and perhaps frustrated) by trying to be involved with you. but i'd rather be in this situation than anywhere else. i told you before, i've made this choice. and i was aware of everything else that comes with it when I made it. that in spite of all these things, i still love you. i still want to be with you. but somehow, all your signals tell me otherwise. so i decided to give you some space and time to think about things.

you have to know this about me and i think you already know. i'm a very private person. yes, private to a point that people think of it as snobbishness. that's why i couldn't deny it with you. being private for me also means that i don't share a part of myself that easily to just anyone. my friends know that about me and i think you also understand that. having said that, i'm not sure if what actually scares you is not whether i know who i'm choosing to be with but rather that i am serious about you. 

i want to be the best friend that you could ever have. i want you to be that person in my life. but i'm never going to force you into being that person. nor will i let anyone force us into being in a relationship.

take your time. i'll wait. but like i said before, i don't know for how long. for now, i've made my choice. and I choose to wait for you.

i have a gift.

the gift of time -
time to listen when no one is around
time to be there when you're feeling down.

along with it comes another gift.

the gift of understanding and empathy -
being the outside-looking-in observer in your story
the nice guy who's all too willing to absorb all your feelings
the person who would always be ready to be involved.

i also have the gift of words -
the ones that will soothe and give you assurance
the facts about you that he doesn't know or understand
the lessons i've learned and heard from before.

but these gifts are also my weaknesses -
the ones that help me choose to give you time
the ones that compels me to listen and understand
the ones that talk me into making the right choice

of being there for you, for always.

no matter what happened, what's happening or what happens...

No one has made an impact in my dreams like you did this morning. Flying has always been easy in my dreams when I willed it. I saw you from the window, amidst all the other people waving at your place. At first I didn't realize who you were but seeing you stirred something from my past. I flew past by your window but a few seconds later, I decided to go back. You weren't there anymore. I had to ask someone to call for you. I asked if you wanted to come and fly with me. You said yes. It was a bit awkward because I haven't lifted anyone with me before while flying in my dreams. But eventually, I got the hang of it although we were flying a bit low than normal. While flying across the countryside and under the bridge, I felt so happy just being with you. It seemed to me we had a past (or perhaps my subconscious wanted us to have a past). And then I remembered who you were. And I guess you realized, that I knew already as well. It was the most romantic point for both of us I guess. I can't forget that kiss. I just can't shake it off right now.

Now if only, I could make it a reality. I guess, even in my dreams, a part of me believes that I'd have to be spectacular for you to notice and admire. I've always said that pursuing you would be like shooting for the moon. Funny how in my dreams, I had to be able to fly, before I could be with you. If you think about it, literally and figuratively, in the real world, I have to "fly" just to be with you. I guess you're "the one" person I just can't easily forget. 

What if I hadn't made that choice back then... 

I guess a part of me will always be thinking about you. But for now, I have to live in the present. And continue on my current pursuit...

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

- song by "The Script"

nothing special... I just like the song for what it is: the rhtythm, the melody, the lyrics. btw, i might be making the "move" sooner. i hope i can sustain and realize this desire to "move".